Hi Samantha, thanks for reading my post. I’m glad it resonates with you, and I empathize with that feeling of not knowing what clarity looks like post diagnosis/self-identification. Sometimes it feels like we are starting over - trying to figure out who we are, what we want, what we need, and how we feel. When we have masked for so long, we continue to uncover ways in which we were masking unconsciously for months and years. At times, it can feel confusing or like a set back, but it’s not. It is part of the process of finding our authenticity. Clarity might come in small bits, and on some days the clarity might feel clearer, and on other days it might feel blurry. Have compassion for yourself - it is so important. And continue seeking connections with other neurodivergent individuals who help you feel seen and create a safe enough space where you feel ok unmasking - at your pace. I hope the contant and human connections you find through Substack continue to provide the insight and support you are looking for.
I was diagnosed as Autistic last year at the age of 60, and resonate with everything you've written. It was a mainly positive and liberating experience, but I've also felt sadness, shame, anger and skill regression in my job. I've just returned to work after a month off with Autistic Burnout, which brought home to me how exhausting all those years of masking has been.
This is highly relatable. I've just gone through this—or rather, am currently going through this—and I made a limited edition letterpress artist's book to process the complicated emotions. The book is about the struggle of attempting to reconcile who I was before knowing I have ADHD and who I'm becoming after that discovery. There's anger and relief at the same time.
I'm starting to write and share about the book, as well as the creative process in general with ADHD, over here:
"clarity for what comes next"
I am trying to be hopeful, but I am not here yet. I still don't know what clarity looks like for me.
Hi Samantha, thanks for reading my post. I’m glad it resonates with you, and I empathize with that feeling of not knowing what clarity looks like post diagnosis/self-identification. Sometimes it feels like we are starting over - trying to figure out who we are, what we want, what we need, and how we feel. When we have masked for so long, we continue to uncover ways in which we were masking unconsciously for months and years. At times, it can feel confusing or like a set back, but it’s not. It is part of the process of finding our authenticity. Clarity might come in small bits, and on some days the clarity might feel clearer, and on other days it might feel blurry. Have compassion for yourself - it is so important. And continue seeking connections with other neurodivergent individuals who help you feel seen and create a safe enough space where you feel ok unmasking - at your pace. I hope the contant and human connections you find through Substack continue to provide the insight and support you are looking for.
I was diagnosed as Autistic last year at the age of 60, and resonate with everything you've written. It was a mainly positive and liberating experience, but I've also felt sadness, shame, anger and skill regression in my job. I've just returned to work after a month off with Autistic Burnout, which brought home to me how exhausting all those years of masking has been.
Our brains seem to be radically different.
This is highly relatable. I've just gone through this—or rather, am currently going through this—and I made a limited edition letterpress artist's book to process the complicated emotions. The book is about the struggle of attempting to reconcile who I was before knowing I have ADHD and who I'm becoming after that discovery. There's anger and relief at the same time.
I'm starting to write and share about the book, as well as the creative process in general with ADHD, over here:
https://reliefreflections.substack.com/
Late diagnosis feels like an earthquake because the ground was never stable.
The story didn’t just form internally.
It was built through years of external interpretation.
Especially in school.
Where mismatch gets translated into record.
And record becomes identity.
So when people talk about “rewriting the narrative,”
they’re not starting fresh.
They’re undoing something that was documented, reinforced, and carried forward.
That’s why it’s not just emotional.
It’s structural.